It Takes Two 

With all the articles this month on love and dating.  Who's talking about marriage?! The question will be popped in more places Valentines weekend then most of the rest of the year. So...what's the secret to being happily married?

According to author and researcher David Olson, happy couples communicate well, are emotionally close, are flexible, have compatible personalities, and agree on how to handle conflicts.  (( WHAT?))

Based on the inventories of 21,501 married couples, (study done in 2000) Olson says that happy couples identify and agree that these areas are strengths in their marriages, while unhappy one's don't. 

Olson suggests that couples who want to build strengths should pay attention to their relationships like they did when they were dating.  "Praise your partner for the positive things," he says.  "After marriage, we tend to focus on what we don't like."

Here is a short sample of Olson's quiz...

I'm satisfied with how we talk to each other.                                                  Yes                 No

I think I'm creative in handling differences.                                                     Yes                 No

I feel very close to my partner.                                                                        Yes                 No

I'm seldom too controlling.                                                                               Yes                 No

I understand my partner's opinions and ideas.                                                Yes                 No

I'm satisfied with the amount of affection I receive.                                          Yes                 No

I have a good balance of leisure time, with and without my partner.               Yes                 No

My friends and family seldom interfere.                                                           Yes                 No

I think we agree on how we spend money.                                                      Yes                 No

I think we agree on expressing our spiritual values and beliefs.                      Yes                 No

Total your yes answers and compare them to yours spouse's score.       

8 - 10    -   If you both score in this range, your relationship has many strengths.

5 - 7    -   Several Strengths.  Consider how to improve on the weaknesses.

0 - 4    -   Talk about how you can create more strengths together.  If you and your spouse

                strongly disagree, consider counseling.

Available online at www.lifeinnovations.com is list of other checklists for your stage in life.

The website that will even score them for you.  While there, check on some of the

other training workshops offered and premarital and marital enrichment materials.